Seeing Beyond How You Feel Right Now

~ By Blair Ashby ~

Seeing beyond how you feel right now can be a challenge. As an emotionally driven being, you probably like to have your feelings match your thoughts and your actions. When your thoughts, emotions, and actions all match, they work together inside of your brain. You can easily move forward on whatever goal your thoughts, emotions, and actions are working together on.

When your emotions do not match your thoughts or your actions, you are likely to have negative feelings. And when people feel this way, it’s common for them to turn to automatic habits, to the “normal” way of thinking and acting. However, what if your habitual thinking patterns or habitual actions don’t bring you joy? In other words, you feel negative emotions when you revert to your habitual patterns and you feel negative emotions when you go against your habits. It feels like a no win situation. This is when you have to see beyond how you feel. Seeing beyond how you feel can feel very uncomfortable.

Feeling uncomfortable means your thoughts, emotions, and actions are not congruous. You’re likely going against what seems right, normal, habitual, or secure. Yet, if you want to achieve a dream or a goal, you usually have to feel uncomfortable for a while. Getting a new job is a good example of this. Rarely does starting a new job feel all positive it is common to feel nervous, anxious, and insecure in a new job or situation. Yet you see beyond those feelings to achieve the bigger goal of the benefits of your new job. Your happiness is frequently the same way you need to see beyond the uncomfortable feelings to realize the benefits.

Recently, a client of mine and I were discussing seeing beyond how you feel. She was struggling to see beyond how she felt. She said it felt wrong and very negative to go for a walk every day when she was “used” to coming home and watching TV after work, even though she wants to be healthier and develop an exercise routine.

I run into this situation with almost every coaching client I work with. What feels normal is so powerful that it interferes with what we really, Really, REALLY want. The weapon that the sense of normal uses is your negative feelings.

Tonight, try brushing your teeth with you the hand you don’t usually use for that. It probably feels difficult, awkward, and even uncomfortable. It probably feels negative. If you keep doing this for a month, though, what you’ll find is that eventually, the negative feelings will diminish and you’ll be able to brush your teeth with either hand with very little thought. It will begin to feel normal. That is an example of seeing beyond how you feel.

For your whole life you’ve felt a certain way. You have a habit of your normal feelings. If you’re not completely happy in your life, maybe you need to change some of your normal ways of thinking or your normal actions. Figure out how you want to feel, and the goals you need to achieve so you can feel that way. Then put into action a plan to begin to accomplish those goals. It will probably feel uncomfortable for a while. But stick with it. If you constantly keep seeing beyond how you feel, you will create a new normal. A normal of living the life you want. I offer coaching, in single sessions or packages, to guide you through this process. Email me at

Blair Ashby

Blair Ashby

Blair Ashby is a Life Coach, Speaker, Author of two books, and a Really Nice Guy. He compassionately meets people where they are in life. Then, using the tools of selfawareness and self communication, he helps them get to where they
want to be. Blair can be reached at or 720-789-4000. His website is

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